“I do not have enough spoons.”
“I’m saving spoons.”
“Not doing that – too many spoons.”
Why do so many neurodivergent people keep talking about spoons?
Spoon Theory is an analogy that has been used for the last two decades to illustrate energy expenditure. Originally coined by Christine Miserandino to describe her experience with lupus, it has been adopted by many people who require additional energy to get through their day. This includes many neurodivergent people and people living with chronic illness.
How Does it Work?
Everyone – sick, healthy, neurotypical, neurodivergent – has a set number of spoons to spend each day. Let’s pretend, for the sake of this article, that you have 10 spoons to get through your morning.
A neurotypical person…
…gets out of bed and into the shower (1 spoon spent because they’d rather stay in bed), gets dressed (1 spoon), then goes to the kitchen and eats breakfast (1 spoon). They brush their teeth, do their hair, grab their things, and head for the front door (1 spoon). They’ve possibly burned extra spoons by stressing about a deadline, or because their socks had a hole in them. They have 4-6 spoons in reserve to get them to work.
A neurodivergent person…
…for example, lies in bed experiencing PDA because the alarm went off and their body is automatically resisting getting up (1 spoon). They are already thinking about the things they need to do that day, and developing anxiety over not being able to achieve some tasks (1 spoon). Eventually, thanks to time blindness, they realise they’ve been lying in bed significantly longer than intended so panic and run to the bathroom (1 spoon). They ensure everything is laid out in the bathroom in a way that prevents disorder and further panic (1 spoon), and have a shower.
Partway through the shower they realise they’re out of shampoo and forgot to buy more; their partner has a different shampoo in the shower, so they have to decide whether to not shampoo their hair on their usual hair wash day, or to use a shampoo that smells different to their usual shampoo and might make their hair feel differently (1 spoon). They use their partner’s shampoo, and their hair feels squeaky (1 spoon). They get out of the shower, but before getting dressed they need to find their phone, which they have misplaced (1 spoon), and look up the weather forecast (1 spoon) to ensure their outfit is appropriate. Their socks feel wrong with the trousers they chose (1 spoon).
At this point they have 1 spoon left. ONE. And they haven’t had breakfast (please let there be enough of their safe foods left), brushed their teeth or hair (sensory overwhelm waiting to happen), packed for work (got ADHD? This can be a multi-spoon task, just trying to recall what you need and then finding where you’ve misplaced all the necessary things the day before), and found shoes that are appropriate, comfortable, and work with the outfit and weather.
Now can you see why that last step of putting on shoes and socks can be a major hurdle for neurodivergent children?
Budgeting
Spoon budgeting can be a very conscious choice for neurodivergent and chronically ill people. A Monday decision that they won’t come to dinner on Thursday despite not having plans is not pessimistic or antisocial. It can be a carefully planned, very self-aware choice, in order to prevent burn out or injury. An acknowledgement that they’ll be low on spoons by then, or need to have some saved for the weekend.
This budgeting can lead to things that some neurotypical people deem inappropriate, like:
- dressing casually (comfortably) for work
- skipping showers
- eating the same safe foods every day
- working from home when well and able
- not being talkative despite being chatty at other times,
- or choosing to have days where they stay in bed.
Types of Spoons
Some neurodivergent people see their spoons as divided into categories. They might have days when they have used all their social spoons in morning conversations, but still have plenty of spoons for a long run. Or they have plenty of focus spoons, but no executive functioning spoons left, so hyperfocus on a particular task instead of getting through their To Do list.
Refuelling
While it is generally accepted that the Spoon Theory allocation is final, in our home we have adopted the concept of refuelling. We find Spoon Refills. Sometimes this is really a case of making sure we are not spending spoons we don’t need to (ie, taking a nap, ordering takeaway or asking someone else to make dinner, or choosing shoes without laces that day). But there are also activities that feel like they actively replenish a spoon or two:
- Hugs
- snuggling with pets
- spending time in nature
- seeking water (water play, a bath, a shower)
- sensory stimulation/deprivation
- hunting out glimmers
- or anything else that gives a bonus dopamine hit.
Want to help your neurodivergent person with their spoon allocation? Don’t burn their spoons by being too demanding of their time and energy when they’ve communicated they’re low, listen when they ask for modifications or changes that will help them budget, don’t judge if they cut corners occasionally, and offer to replenish their spoons if possible.
The Original Spoon Theory
You can read Christine’s original Spoon Theory post here: https://butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory
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