Q. My daughter has been diagnosed with ADHD and is on [medication] daily. This has helped with a lot of aspects of her ADHD but she is still very disorganised and untidy. We have tried habit trackers and reward charts and bribery but nothing works. How do I force her to follow some routines?
– dad of daughter, aged 8-11
A.
Long story short, you don’t force anything. Ever.
I think the vast majority of parents of children with ADHD and, frankly, most adults with ADHD themselves, have asked this question at some stage. It’s tough, it’s not always a realistic goal, and it’s definitely not a given.
This doesn’t mean it isn’t a great plan, and that routines aren’t hugely beneficial for people with ADHD when they can be achieved. Following routine can reduce a lot of the pressure on memory, time management, and focus, that people with ADHD struggle with. Children with ADHD who develop routines and habits are often less anxious and have higher self-esteem due to lower levels of correction/criticism.
So if it would help, and could actually make life easier, what’s the problem?
“ADHD adults often hate structure and routine because the only systems we’ve been taught have been optimised for neurotypical people.”
SKYE RAPSON, UNCONVENTIONAL ORGANISATION
Novelty
People with ADHD crave novelty. This can lead to false hope when it comes to new strategies and routines; at first they appear to be magic, fixing everything, and then – just as they seem to have solved the problem – any progress stops, and potentially things are even worse than they were before. When the novelty of the new routine wears off, it is exponentially harder to find the motivation to follow it.
Distraction
The first two letters in ADHD sum this up well: “Attention deficit”. While this means different things for different people, for many it means an increased likelihood of distraction. Or a decreased ability to ignore distractions. At home we refer to this as the Squirrel Effect.
“I got everything out to clean the windows, but then when I looked out the window I remembered I’d forgotten to put the bin out…”
“Squirrel!”
In this context, the distraction can be from individual tasks when attempting to follow a routine, or from the activity of following the routine itself.
The Really Tricky Stuff
Some of the most difficult aspects of ADHD are related to the concept of tasks and following routines. Executive dysfunction, task avoidance and paralysis, PDA, and time blindness, combine into what is effectively the antithesis of organisation and routine. It’s pretty much Voltron made of dysfunction rather than cats.
Task Switching
Another aspect of this form of neurodivergence is that many people with ADHD find the act of switching tasks incredibly difficult. Not always for a conscious or logical reason. It is why many of us find ourselves lying in bed wanting to get up but… not. Why we find ourselves post-shower, wrapped in a towel, meaning to get dressed but… not.
It doesn’t, however, mean people with ADHD are bad at tasks. In fact some studies indicate that while people with ADHD find it more difficult to start a task, they often are more efficient and successful at getting through it than people without ADHD.
How Can I Help?
So that makes it sound like there’s a lot stacked against people with ADHD ever achieving routine or organisation, right? Provided these things are all taken into account, and strategies are tailored to the individual’s needs, pretences, and strengths – and not the standard approaches designed for neurotypical people – failure is not a foregone conclusion.
Strategies that might help include:
- Rotational Novelty – try a variety of approaches, and see which ones work initially before the novelty wears off. Collect them, and rotate through them. One week might be a Task Cloud (see below) each day. The next week might be a Lucky Dip. Another might be diarising / scheduling all tasks. The following could be reminders and alarms on a phone or smart home system. And back to the start. It will help to maintain the novel aspect of each strategy before it wears off.
- Non-neurotypical Strategies such as Task Clouds (writing down tasks in a grouped format, rather than a list, to avoid giving impression of priority or expected order) or Lucky Dips (writing down tasks on individual strips of paper, and selecting them at random) might reduce some effects of task avoidance or PDA. Visual planners can be useful for many kids.
- Pomodoro Timers – The Pomodoro technique, while often employed by neurotypical people as a productivity tool, can work as an effective reminder for neurodivergent people. More of a “Are you still on task?” rather than a “Now move on to the next task.” Knowing the alarm is coming, and even being able to see the timer, can provide an incentive and timeframe to overcome time blindness.
- Language – As always, language is important. PDA will frequently be triggered by direct orders such as “Go clean your room,” however kindly said. Similarly, a “Have you cleaned your room?” when a child should have, can activate the RSD response. Offering support and being curious are key.
- Try lines like:
- “What’s on your To Do list today?”
- “Is there anything I can help you with this morning?”
- “What can we do together to get you through your jobs?”
- “I’m going to do some laundry now. Do you want to tidy up your room at the same time, so we’re both free at the same time to do something together afterwards?”
- Try lines like:
Always remember that people with ADHD, and many other neurodivergencies who experience this same set of difficulties with routines and organisation, are not lazy, or lacking in good intentions. They are often just as frustrated as their family members at the lack of organisation and structure in their life. Consistent support, unconditional love, and patience, are key.