Q. My son’s daycare have suggested we might want to get him assessed for autism. The things they have pointed out I agree with but thought it was age appropriate. He is our only child so we don’t have anything else to compare to at home. I have been reading a lot about it online and can see what the daycare staff are talking about. I am also thinking my husband and I are probably both autistic too! My husband and I both have decent jobs and are mostly happy with our lives so for now we are happy assuming we are autistic but not going to a psychologist about it.
Should we get our child assessed? Our GP isn’t being very helpful and said to leave it a few years until school expresses concern but I am reading a lot about how much better children do if identified early. It is a lot of money to pay for him to get assessed if it turns out he’s just developing a bit slowly or that he is autistic but it doesn’t even matter.
MUM OF BOY AGE 2-5
A.
Not everyone will agree that autistic children need to be formally confirmed as such. However, I personally do believe there are many benefits to taking this approach, as outlined below.
It is impossible to advise as to whether or not I personally believe you should have your child assessed without knowing more details about his age and behaviours. You’re right; it is a lot of money if there’s still a question as to whether it’s needed.
So let’s instead look at how to know if your child should be assessed.
They’re Autistic
This sounds really obvious, I know, but if your child appears to be autistic, get them assessed.
Firstly because if they aren’t autistic, they probably need assistance. If they are exhibiting traits such as what appear to be meltdowns, frequent stimming, food aversions, etc, these may be down to significant health concerns. Social interactions that are problematic, if your child is not autistic, may be something your child actively needs support learning. Emotional regulation issues, bed wetting, and other issues common to the autistic child’s experience, may be indicative of trauma or abuse in a neurotypical child. In short, if your child seems autistic, it’s important that you determine if they’re not. Whatever the answer, they clearly need support.
And if they are autistic? Anyone who knows me or reads anything I produce will know that I am neuroaffirming. Therefore any “early intervention” I promote is not about learning or enforcing neurotypical behaviours. There has been backlash against early intervention as neuroaffirming behaviours are adopted, however I strongly believe that there are many “interventions” that can be of massive benefit to autistic people.
For example:
- Active recognition of emotions, and learning emotional regulation strategies
- Empowering autistic children to improve their communication, whether that’s spoken, signed, AAC, or otherwise. Communication is a tool that everyone deserves
- Encouraging self-care, affirmations, and positive self-esteem
- Recognition of reflex reactions such as RSD and PDA. Not with the goal of preventing them, but arming your child with knowing what these feelings are and how to cope best when they hit
- Strength finding exercises to reduce the focus on “weaknesses”. Neurotypical people tend to get through life based on their skills and strengths, and avoid things that rely on their deficits. Ridiculously, autistic people are often forced to focus almost solely on their deficits and to work on “fixing” them. They instead deserve to have a strengths-based focus too.
- Recognising difficulties as early as possible to preemptively recognise hurdles in the distance, rather than tripping over them when they appear and having to get back up again, over and over.
- Being armed with the knowledge that they are neurodivergent, should they ever find themselves feeling ostracised, weird, broken, or mentally unwell (many undiagnosed neurodivergent young people are treated for mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety, or bipolar disorder, and find the medications don’t work as expected, which causes greater distress).
Either way, if your child seems autistic, get them assessed. Even if you suspect you’re also neurodivergent, and aren’t aware that you have suffered for it, please get them assessed by someone supportive and neuroaffirming.
They’re Struggling
If your child:
- Seems bright but is struggling academically
- Throws what seem like tantrums on a regular basis at home but are mostly fine in public or at school, and doesn’t respond as hoped to kindness or discipline
- Has very selective eating habits, beyond usual developmental changes, and you’re concerned about nutrition or growth
- Is very sensitive to temperature change or clothing textures, in a way that causes problems
- Doesn’t play the same way as most of their peers, so gets left out or teased
…then get them assessed. Not because of just one of these things in isolation happening occasionally, etc, but if they are occurring in a way that is causing your child to be regularly upset. Your child deserves to thrive and be happy.
You’re Struggling
Maybe your child seems to be coping fine despite frequent lashing out, minimal food intake, and restless nights. Perhaps in between they’re happy, affectionate, and doing well at school. If this is the case, chances are they’re masking; but that aside, if this is what you’re living with as a parent, maybe you’re struggling. Probably you’re struggling.
If you’re tired, concerned, have a gut feeling that something isn’t right… then something isn’t right.
There is a chance that this is something you need help with.
However, there are countless examples of medical gaslighting where parents approach their GP for help with their child’s behaviour and instead are put on antidepressants, advised to go to parenting classes, told that they’re being unrealistic in their expectations and this is just what children are like.
I believe that the vast, vast majority of parents know when their child is not thriving. And I know that when we report this and are dismissed, we struggle just as much as our child, if not more.
If you know your child is struggling, get them assessed. If you have to be firm, be firm.
Trust your gut.
Their Carers are Struggling
Sometimes we encounter the opposite to the neurodivergent norm, where neurodivergent children mask at home, working hard to keep it together for their parent(s), and then go to pieces at school or extracurricular activities.
While poor behaviour in other contexts can be indicative of other problems (aggressive teachers, difficult peers, abuse, etc) if a cause can not be ascertained after discussions with your child, it is important that you listen to the input of others.
It may feel like a criticism or an attack, so can be really hard to hear. However, focusing on the fact that your child is struggling (which is what “bad behaviour” is) is key.
If external factors can be eradicated, more than one person is reporting issues, and informed people (eg, teachers) suggested potential neurodivergence, I would suggest having your child assessed.
Yes, the cost is high. But the cost of avoiding a confirmation of neurodivergence is much higher, as is the cost of failing to determine why your child is struggling if they aren’t neurodivergent.
Why Not Just Assume?
Self-identifying as neurodivergent is completely valid. Your child does not need a formal piece of paper to identify as autistic. Nor do you need that piece of paper in order to treat them as autistic and raise them accordingly.
However, there are many facets of neurodivergence that are almost invisible and yet do incredible damage. Without professional support, there are many elements of being autistic that may be overlooked until they are already causing difficulties. Similarly, there are a number of co-existing conditions that commonly occur alongside autism. If your child is confirmed as autistic, your medical support team will be more aware of looking out for these conditions when physical health is in question.
Some elements of autism may qualify your child for NDIS support in Australia, making any chosen therapies more affordable if not fully funded by the government.
This does not mean your child must see a psychologist or receive therapies after their diagnosis. However, there are many benefits to formal confirmation/diagnosis, particularly when it comes to recognition and support.
2023 Pre-Assessment Support
For the rest of 2023, More Than Quirky is offering a heavily discounted pre-assessment service. This involves a 30 minute Zoom video call to discuss any concerns leading you to consider having your child assessed for neurodivergence, as well as written report with recommendations. Details available here.