The Coke Bottle effect is known – whether it’s by this name or simply because the consequences are familiar – by the parents of many school aged neurodivergent children. It is the result of pent up emotions, masking, confusion, and internalised conflict.
The Analogy
Your child is a bottle of fizzy drink. They go to school, and someone else is using the hook they always hang their bag on. This shakes the bottle. They put their bag on the next hook, and as they’re hanging it up someone shouts, “Hey, that’s my hook,” pushes through and hangs their own bag up. Shake the bottle.
During playtime they trip over. Their knee hurts, but they are aware of terms like “cry baby” being a criticism, so they hold in their tears and pretend it doesn’t hurt. Shake the bottle. They play in the sandpit, which means taking their shoes off. When they put them back on, their socks don’t sit comfortably the way Mum makes them sit in the morning. Shake the bottle.
In class, during quiet work time the clock ticks very loudly, as it does every day. Shake the bottle. The teacher asks them to hand out the work books. PDA kicks in, and their body reacts, but they know what is expected of them so they smile and hand the books out. Shake the bottle.
At lunch, their slices of apple have started to brown around the edges. Shake the bottle. They don’t eat them, which means they’re hungry for the afternoon session. Shake the bottle.
It is a hot day. Hot days make them feel uncomfortable. Shake the bottle.
Someone shouted. Shake the bottle.
They have to choose a library book in a set time frame. Shake the bottle.
They hadn’t finished their colouring in before the bell rang for home time. Shake the bottle.
They walk home, drop their bag on the floor, and take off their shoes. They are in their safe place. The lid comes off…
Meltdown.
Prep and Brace
While the Coke Bottle Effect is, to some degree, simply part of living as a neurodivergent person in a neurotypical society even for adults, there are methods that can reduce the impact.
“Prep and Brace” is the process of preparing and empowering your neurodivergent person as much as possible to prevent as many “shakes” as you both can, and bracing yourself and your family to make any unavoidable meltdowns quicker and easier.
Preparing can include:
- talking your child through their day in advance
- discussing their concerns or questions
- identifying feelings before school, and dealing with any negative ones (a quick snack between breakfast and school to counter hunger, lying on the floor and doing some deep breathing to calm anxiety, etc)
- helping your child learn to get their shoes and socks the way they like them, and put on and remove their own jumper.
- identifying specific teachers or peers who they can tell if they’re feeling sad or anxious
- arming your child with ear defenders, fidget toys, sensory toys, if wanted
- bringing something cold to school pick up on hot days, or an extra layer on cold days
Bracing involves, firstly, being ready for a tightly wound child but acting as though you assume they’re fine so they don’t feel judged or problematic. Discuss in advance with any siblings that your child might need space and calm for a while when they get home. Actively ask your child what they want or need when they get home.
Loosen the Lid
While you or your child might not be able to prevent all the bottle shaking during the day, if you help your child loosen their lid rather than letting it fly suddenly when they get home, you can release the pressure slowly.
On the way home we often play a game where they name an event for different emotion. “Can you think of something that made you laugh today?” “Can you think of something that made you cry today?” We include angry, tired, confused, embarrassed, worried, and anything else that appears to be in play based on their behaviour, but ensure we balance it with positive feelings. Focusing entirely on the negative, while it allows us to recognise triggers and conflict, can paint the entire day as a bad day when it was actually quite wonderful. Positive items can include laugh, dance, proud, brave, feel safe, most comfortable, and relaxed.
Down time is a fantastic antidote to a heavily shaken bottle. Minimal demands after school eases the pressure. Where possible, have a quiet activity or game prepared for your child to discover when they get home.
Self-Advocacy
Self-advocacy is instrumental in reducing the number of bottle shakes each day, as is finding allies amongst peers and staff.
This can include:
- Being able to express a feeling of sensory overwhelm to a teacher in order to take a break
- Putting on ear defenders when the setting is too loud
- Telling a trusted friend when you’ve hurt yourself without fear of judgement
- Asking teachers if they can explain something in a different way if it isn’t making sense
- Having preemptive measures in place such as having a support teacher or trusted teacher run your child through any changes for that day in advance (eg, “Your teacher is away today, and I’m going to introduce you to the substitute teacher. Their name is…” or “Because it’s raining, we won’t be doing sport today, but instead we will do some dancing in the classroom.”)
Extracurricular / Busy Days
One of our greatest complications in our home is extracurricular activity. Most afternoons after school we have another activity to go to, very soon after arriving home, which disallows the down time needed. There are a number of reasons we choose to do these activities, so cancelling them is definitely not the best option for us.
Instead, I loosen the lid as much as possible with conversation, affection, humour, kindness, and clarity. Making expectations and needs explicit means less PDA response, stress or confusion. Stimming, sensory avoidance or stimulation (depending on needs), and clear communication in the meantime also helps.
Making it very clear when the down time will come helps a lot. For example, knowing that we are dropping a sibling at an event, then either going to the park or sitting somewhere quiet to play on the iPad, makes it dramatically easier for them to regulate their emotions while they wait.
Freedom!
And when we do have quiet afternoons, I think very carefully before turning them into something, however tempting it is to fit in an extra adventure, or a play date, or a trip to the shops.
Sometimes all that’s needed to make all those bubbles settle is to say, “You have this afternoon to just be you, your way. Let me know if you want or need anything.”