Movember: The Fight for Healthy Men

Trigger warning: mentions of suicide. Movember began in Australia in 2003, when two men were talking in a pub in Melbourne. The first year was simply a challenge to see if they could convince other friends to grow a moustache. 30 Mo Bros grew their facial hair; it was not a fundraising exercise. A year later it involved almost 480 people, and raised around $54,000. Within 10 years they’d raised over $685 million for men’s health initiatives. 21 year later, around 7 million people have been part of the Movember movement. More than a thousand projects have been funded or contributed to. So how does this support our neurodivergent community?

Mental Health

While initial fundraising focused on cancers specific to men, Movember has – whilst still supporting these initiatives – shifted its focus to mental health over the years.

The world loses a man to suicide every minute of every day.
Movember website

Mental health conditions are considered forms of neurodivergence as they impact upon, or are the result of changes in, the brain. Mood disorders, personality disorders, obsessive-compulsive disorder, schizophrenia, anxiety, and more, not only are neurodivergencies themselves, but can be the result of being a neurodivergent person living in a neuronormative society. Combining this potentially causal effect and the statistical likelihood of the biological cooccurrence of mental health issues in neurodivergent people, and it is clear that the need for mental health support in neurodivergent people is crucial.

Gender Differences

The accuracy of statistics around gender differences in mental health and neurodivergence is patchy. Current rates of recognition indicate that for every 10 females with a neurodevelopmental difference, there are 17 males. However it is also known that girls are still under-“diagnosed” when it comes to neurodivergencies such as autism and ADHD due to masking, and social acceptability factors.

Studies have shown that young women are almost three times as likely as young males to experience a common mental health issue. This is supported by information coming out of the UK that only 36% of psychology referrals are for males. And yet 3 out of 4 suicides are males, and well over 80% of unsheltered people are male.

Whatever the reality of the occurrence of mental health disorders, it is obvious that men experiencing serious mental health concerns are not receiving the support they need to survive, let alone thrive.

Young Neurodivergent Males

There are so many factors that play into the downfall of young men when it comes to mental health. Societal norms around displays of emotion, sharing of concerns, and being “tough”, frequently dissuade males from reaching out for support even when they recognise they want or need it.

Similarly, behaviours that demonstrate how much men are struggling are often perceived as “bad” or something that requires punishment or management. Females might be more likely to cry or withdraw. Males are more likely to be aggressive, defiant or adopt risk-taking behaviours. Particularly in structured environments like high schools (and even primary schools¹), this means females are more likely to receive counselling at the same time males are being disciplined.

Effectively, being disciplined for suffering and not knowing what to do about it.

Creating a Healthy Future for Men

If you are the parent of a young neurodivergent male, a fundraising initiative such as Movember might not seem particularly relevant right now. It is easy to think “When my son is that age, I’ll support things like that.”

But these are the foundations of our children’s futures.

By normalising men discussing feelings now, creating safe emotional spaces for males now, and by reducing the male suicide rate now, we are paving the way for a safer, healthier, more supported generation of neurodivergent males in the future.

Creating a Healthy Present for Boys

If your son is struggling, look beyond the actions. Punishment will not mend the cause, repair the damage, or prevent further disruptions.

It is not as simple as sitting down and asking an angry young man to talk about his feelings. If this is a new approach, there will be a degree of confusion or even distrust.

Many neurodivergent young people also experience alexithymia, which makes the identification of emotions very difficult.

Approaches you can try include:

Avoid any language – even when being kind – that discourages displaying emotions. “Calm down,” “Stop crying,” “Get it together,” “Man up,” and “Chill out,” aren’t always intended with negativity, but all communicate that your child shouldn’t be authentically expressing their feelings.
Try to engage once a day to share something about your day, and encourage them to do the same. Structured approaches can make it easier, like the “Rose, Rose, Thorn, Bud” approach (thank you, Kate Toon, for introducing me to this one), or sharing one thing you’re grateful for and one thing you’d do differently the next time.
Journaling can be a good way for all young people to clarify their feelings without experiencing a sense of audience. Some kids will quite like to know that you do read their journal each day, so you know what’s going on in their world without having to discuss it. Others will want their journal to be completely private (strongly recommend you honour this, however tempting those pages might be!).
Checking in. When you’re in the car together, or washing the dishes, ask a question. Avoid vague ones like, “How’s school?” or “How’s things?” Try something specific, but allow for easy avoidance if they don’t want to engage at that time. “What have your mates been doing lately?” or “Are you saving up for anything at the moment?”
Share your own emotions – appropriately, and about appropriate issues – to normalise the sharing of non-happy things.
Don’t hesitate to let them know if you’re worried about them. “I noticed you’ve been angry a lot lately, and I’m really worried about you because it’s not like you. What’s getting you fired up?”

Reach Out

There are some aspects of parenting neurodivergent kids that we can aim for and decide to accept if it doesn’t go to plan. It would be nice if bedtime didn’t take two hours, but sometimes we have to accept that bedtime takes two hours and we can cut corners elsewhere. It would be nice if they improved their literacy skills, but sometimes we need to acknowledge that they’re doing their best and stop nudging them to do more.

When it comes to mental health, acceptance is not the best idea. If your child is struggling with emotions, acting out, seems depressed or anxious, isn’t acting like themselves… and you have tried to help but can’t perceive a change, then reach out.

Unfortunately, this is not as easy as it should be. The step of asking for help from your GP or paediatrician is not always easy, and not always met with the support it should be; particularly if your practitioner is not neuroaffirming, and dismisses behaviours as “part of the neurotype”. Mental health services have long waitlists, particularly in remote and rural areas.

If you aren’t finding the support you want or need, please reach out to More Than Quirky for guidance. When you’re on a waitlist, there are a number of options to keep you afloat until your appointment. There are strategies to adopt at home, and resources you can call to engage with to get specific mental health support.

You don’t have to just wait and hope for the best.