There was a year, around a decade and a half ago, in which my friend and I saw live music most weeks. We saw Sia – either on a stage at festivals like Homebake, or in her own solo gigs – around half a dozen times that year. And while it wasn’t a factor worth mentioning, I always assumed she was neurodivergent.
Stimming, atypical social interactions (which we all loved), hyperfixations on glow-in-the-dark paint and batik… The woman was glorious, raw, human, and a fantastic musician and performer.
When, in the years following, she removed herself from public performance due to anxiety, it was sad but also understandable. She was a highly sensitive person putting herself out there for public consumption and, sadly, public critique. Given how often we neurodivergent people struggle with RSD, PDA, and other neurodivergent traits, I can’t imagine being an alternative performer in the world of emerging social media would be an easy existence!
Then she came back, cleverly masking under long fringes, becoming more of a character and a little less Sia. The criticism doesn’t hurt as much when it’s levelled at a character rather than you, right?
Frequently by her side was Maddie Ziegler, a dancer and actress. Maddie was frequently dressed as a mini-Sia, and performed complex dance routines during Sia’s live performances, while Sia stood still – or even hid – while she sang.
The Controversy
Then in 2021, Sia co-wrote and directed a film called Music. It was a poorly informed film about a non-verbal autistic teenager, played by an allistic actress (Ziegler). It was full of stereotypes, negative depictions of neurodivergence, and included a traumatic scene of the autistic character being restrained.
The film itself was not successful, costing approximately $16 million to make, and bringing in around $646k at the box office.
But it was the casting of a neurotypical (as far as we know) actress as an autistic character, and the misinformation about autism the film was feeding into society that remained the focus.
A significant number of people in the neurodivergent community turned on Sia.
The Apology
Sia acknowledged the criticisms, and did what we all hope someone will do when they cause harm: she did not get defensive, she did not attack in response [EDIT: I’ve now been told that she did, however I haven’t been able to find examples], she clearly said, “I’m sorry”.
Then she explained that the film was based on the experiences of a “neuro-atypical friend”, and more importantly said:
I plan to remove the restraint scenes from all future printings. I listened to the wrong people and that is my responsibility, my research was clearly not thorough enough, not wide enough. It in no way condones or recommends the use of restraint on autistic people.
It was not widely accepted.
Sia deleted her Twitter account.
The Confirmation
This week Sia announced in May 2023 that she has been confirmed as autistic herself.
Unfortunately even this was met with harsh criticism, as Sia referred to herself as being “On the spectrum”, which is not a widely accepted phrase in the neurodivergent community anymore. Many other comments were taken out of context. For example many people have taken her comment about “deepest, darkest, most shameful secrets” and “being in recovery” to refer to being autistic, when it was in reference to her alcoholism.
The Backlash
While I know many people in the neurodivergent community struggled to forgive Sia for Music, I cannot fathom the number of people using her confirmation of her autism as a cause for another attack.
As an autistic person, I know I have a rather sizeable catalogue of times I’ve misspoken, made a mistake, interrupted, broken something… and cannot for the life of me let it go. I suspect many of the neurodivergent community know the feeling of lying in bed at 2am thinking about what you should have said in a conversation decades earlier.
But was I being malicious? No.
Am I prone to glitches in communication in neurotypical contexts due to my neurodivergence? Absolutely.
Am I clumsy due to likely EDS? Absolutely.
Do I accidentally interrupt or mess with the flow of conversation due to my ADHD? Unfortunately, yes.
Do I feel sorry? Painfully so. RSD only makes it worse.
But would I like to think that if I apologised, and even more so if I explained how my neurodivergence had played a part in these errors, people would be forgiving? Yes.
Please.
Misinformed
Neurodivergence aside, we all make mistakes. We use terms and phrases we think are the right thing, the best thing, the most acceptable to the people we’re referring to… And we get it wrong because we’ve been misinformed, or because “the right thing” changes over time. Take, for example, that organisation in the US who positions themselves as the foremost representative – and research organisation – regarding autism. If you didn’t have extensive experience with autism, or involvement in the broader autistic community, and you sought advice on autism, it would be a logical place to turn to. I’m not saying this is who Sia consulted with, specifically, only that she could have reached out to what seemed like the right people, and been given dreadful information.
Parents who put their kids through ABA aren’t doing it to be cruel. They’ve been poorly informed. People who say they’re “on the spectrum” are sharing their identity, not trying to fuel misinformation. Therapist who are neuroaffirming still use the term ASD because it’s what it is called medically.
And Sia’s inclusion of the restraint scene? The practice is wrong. But is it part of the existence of some autistic people? So should it be excluded from a film about a mistreated autistic teenager, or should it be considered as an opportunity to educate, if dealt with appropriately?
We All Make Mistakes
I have a particular non-binary friend whom I knew as their previous pronouns for a very long time. When they confirmed they were non-binary, I accidentally used their old pronouns a number of times over the following year. I felt ashamed every time. I apologised even when they weren’t present, corrected myself, and continued.
Even as an autistic person I have used the term “ASD”, almost certainly said “on the spectrum” before I knew better, and still occasionally find myself typing that someone “has autism” before I kick myself and fix it. I’m not proud of these things, but I also know that I am neuroaffirming, kind, and thoughtful. But I make mistakes, because I’m human.
People correct me, I apologise, I take it on board, I am grateful for the education. And we move on.
Choosing Maddie
While it is no longer seen as appropriate to use actors without a condition, disorder, or disability, to represent someone who does, I feel there are a number of factors to consider here:
- This seems to be inconsistent. For example, it does not appear that the 2017 film Wonder received the same backlash for not finding an actor with Treacher Collins Syndrome to play the lead character. Yes, it has been mentioned here and there, but the film was widely celebrated. Similarly, The Greatest Showman was hailed as a spectacular success, despite comments regarding their casting of actors in roles with disabilities and conditions, which the actor did not have. I haven’t been able to discern why Music received so much more criticism for this error.
Yes, the criticism is valid, but I feel like the mass attack is a little extreme. - Sia put her foot in her mouth somewhat by using functioning labels (again, this was acceptable in the not too distant past!), when explaining that she felt using an autistic actor with traits similar to the character’s would be exploitative, and they would likely not thrive in the context of acting, film sets, performing, etc. Using an autistic actor without those traits – and getting them to fake them – would be equally inappropriate and/or exploitative.
So while it might not be agreed upon across the autistic community, personally I think Sia was in a difficult situation choosing between not showing a non-verbal emotionally dysregulated autistic teenager (they do exist in the real world, and therefore should exist in film, surely!), exploiting an autistic child, or using an allistic actor. What is the right answer here? I’d genuinely like to know what people would think was the best option. - Possibly most important here, in my opinion, is the relationship between Sia and Maddie Ziegler. Maddie has been an extension of Sia for many years. There have been many incidences of people gravitating towards working with autistic people, writing about autistic characters, producing media about autism… and then finding they’re autistic themselves. It’s like we know before we know.
I cannot speak for Sia, but I feel casting Maddie in this role was an exercise in trust. Sia could not play a teenaged girl herself, so she asked the person who represented her best. Someone she trusted to do the job as she wanted it done.
Whether or not “the job” was appropriately informed or not is irrelevant.
The Choice to Disclose
In the autistic community, we tend to embrace successful people who are willing to disclose their neurodivergence despite potential backlash and discrimination. We applaud people being successful AND autistic, brave AND autistic, wonderful AND autistic, not despite. Never despite.
The more successful, famous, kind, and/or intelligent people who disclose their neurodivergence rather than hide it “just in case” it changes people’s perspective, approach, and acceptance, the more accepted neurodivergence will be in the wider community.
Sia didn’t have to share that she’s autistic.
If anything, given the backlash and “cancelling” of the past two years, Sia probably approached this knowing full well it would be a safer option to keep it to herself, or to a small group of friends and family. She chose to be authentic, to honour her neurodivergent self, to become one of us. It was brave, and frankly in current climate it was generous.
She didn’t have disclose.
And look how people have rewarded that courage.
We Need to Do Better
It feels like many people are using this as an opportunity to lash out. To be the bully in retaliation for all the times they were bullied. To criticise Sia publicly for using the wrong terminology, to release the anger they feel for every time that terminology has labelled them. To deflect from every time we’ve made a stupid mistake either due to being human, or specifically due to being neurodivergent.
It puts more anger out in the world.
It breaks at least one more person.
It discourages people from trying to depict autism in media.
It keeps more and more people in the closet, for fear of this level of animosity when they disclose their neurodivergence.
It doesn’t work.
You know what does work? Educating people. Forgiving people, particularly those who apologise so clearly. Making them feel included and safe. Giving them the opportunity to do better.
Ostracism is something the neurodivergent community fights so hard against. How so many could now suddenly be part of it baffles me.
Hi Sia. Welcome to the Club
She’s one of us now. And while just like in the neurotypical world, you don’t have to like everyone, and not everyone is loveable, it’s worth contemplating whether this newly confirmed autistic woman is worthy of support or hatred.
Sia isn’t the right target. She’s a neurodivergent person who was misled – as many of us have been. Who tried to bring autism into public conversation, which is something we’re all fighting to have happen more often. Who apologised for her mistakes, which many people do not. Who has done what she could to actually fix the error. Who has looked into her own neurotype, and publicly shared her news to increase normalising which many celebrities would not for fear of backlash.
Who is a notoriously good, kind, generous, warm, loving, supportive human.
And still a brilliant musician too.