Autistic people utilise a number of strategies to survive in a neuronormative world. One of the common coping mechanisms is masking, also known as camouflaging.
What Is It?
Masking is the suppression (consciously or otherwise) of autistic traits, in order to appear neurotypical. This might be done in order avoid judgement or criticism, to cope with stressful situations, to conform, or to hide anxiety. “Fake it til you make it” if you will… except that we are never going to “make it” because aspiring to neurotypicality is not a realistic or fair goal for autistic people.
Examples of masking include:
- Forced or timed eye contact (look at person, count to five, look away, look back)
- mimicking social behaviour
- not discussing special interests
- rehearsed and scripted language
- hiding stimming
- not expressing sensory overwhelm or anxiety.
There are many other ways an autistic person can mask. Some people even mask over a longer period, for example copying someone else’s fashion sense, feigning long term interest in a topic or activity they’re not interested in, or even adopting a particular diet or lifestyle in order to assimilate.
It has been said that approximately 94% of autistic adults have masked, and that it is actually a trauma response. Autistic people are not born with a desire to mask, but it is brought on by negative experiences such as judgement, ostracism, or criticism.
No, Really, What Is it?
It must be remembered that autistic masking is not the same as a non-autistic person employing short-term social strategies in situations that are challenging – for example, acting more confidently than they feel for an important presentation.
CLAIRE WATTS, “WHAT IS AUTISTIC MASKING?”
A number of people claim masking is like acting, but more exhausting. To explain this exhaustion, I* like to think of it like being asked to have a conversation without using the letter P. It’s not impossible. It’s something I can do. But it takes a lot of concentration, planning, cognitive multitasking, and makes it hard to actually concentrate on the conversation itself. It makes it incredibly hard to express yourself clearly, or to focus on what it was you actually wanted to say. Instead you’re focusing on how you’re saying it, almost entirely.
And this is if you’re masking something relatively straightforward and not too confronting.
What about masking something that is a far more intrinsic part of your autistic self? That’s more like trying to have a conversation without using B, P, S, or L. This is significantly more tricky.
And what about something you don’t feel you have any control over? Well, that’s like a conversation without using vowels. Forget about it!
Where?
Autistic people can, and will, mask in all areas of their lives, including in romantic relationships, with family and friends, at work, at school, and in public. Do not assume that being close friends, or even married to, an autistic person means you are seeing their authentic self. Allowing them to know they are safe to unmask around you is a massive gift you can give the neurodivergent person in your life (see How To Help).
Late diagnosed neurodivergent people often find their masked self to be more prevalent, despite the exhaustion, than their true self. The act of unmasking is both complicated and confronting.
Consequences
The act of masking has bene linked to numerous and significant negative consequences, or comorbidities.
There is suggestion that one of the reasons females find it harder to have their neurotype confirmed is due to an increased tendency to mask. This not only results in these autistic people feeling unseen and unheard, but also not receiving the support they deserve.
The hypervigilance required to mask uses massive amounts of energy, leading to exhaustion.
There is a direct correlation in autistic people between masking and symptoms of depression. Long term masking has also been linked to lifetime suicidality.
People who mask more often are more likely to exhibit signs of stress and anxiety.
Long term masking can lead to a complicated relationship with self. Loss of identity, betrayal of self, and a feeling of being dishonest (due to constantly “lying” to others) can all have significantly negative impact on self-esteem.
Masking can be a major contributor to autistic burnout, which can take years to recover from.
How to Help
- Let your neurodivergent person know that you love them for them, as they authentically are.
- Ease off on comments, criticisms, corrections, and judgements.
- Don’t mock quirks, stims, or autistic traits such as bumping into things. Mocking includes what you might perceive as “laughing with” (if the other person isn’t laughing, there is no “with”!).
- As much as possible, don’t even make reference to anything you perceive as “weird”, even if you feel this is a way of expressing acceptance.
- Don’t “give them space to be themselves” as this will give the impression that you don’t want to be around them when they’re being themselves.
- Don’t be offended if your neurodivergent person wants time alone; for many this is crucial to unmasking recovery.
- Be curious! Tell your neurodivergent person that you want them to feel safe to be their authentic, unmasked self, and ask what would make this easiest for them. If you ever want to know something about an autistic person, the very best thing you can do is to ask that specific autistic person.
When your person unmasks, you might find they’re no longer the person you thought they were. This is another issue, for another time (and, frankly, for a professional to work on with you). However, whether someone is to your liking or not, they deserve the freedom to be authentic provided it is not harmful to themselves or others.
* This is not necessarily how masking works or feels for other people, but is simply my own analogy which reflects my personal experience.